Doubtful
A couple of weeks ago, Carly, a dear friend and fellow INFJ, sent me an unexpected, heartfelt message. Despite our bond, our in-person connections are rare given the demands of motherhood, entrepreneurship, creative pursuits and distance. Her message transported me back to a poignant chapter of our lives, filled with reflection on her newer journey into motherhood and our shared moments during the pandemic.
Carly would often visit, and together, we'd dive into baking adventures, from homemade pizza dough to focaccia, seeking solace in The Great British Bake Off and our culinary experiments. Amidst the laughter, tantrums, and tears of my toddlers, and the interruptions of my work, these moments were still our sanctuary. In them, we found a dynamic connection in something simple yet so much bigger than us.
She shared, "I know internally you probably had many moments of doubt, guilt, or sadness...but your home, your presence, radiated only love and comfort. I aspired to be that kind of mother, creating a space as gentle, tender, and caring for my little one. Yet, I often feel I fall short, but perhaps you felt that way then, too. Perhaps you do now."
Her words resonated deeply, casting my mind back to the lockdown days. Alone with a 1 and 2-year-old while juggling remote work, I felt isolated as the first among my friends to navigate motherhood. Carly's visits were a lifeline, a reminder that amidst the chaos, we were not alone. Her message called attention to the power of our simple acts of baking and being together, transforming them into lessons of love, patience, and care – a shared experience of life itself.
Reflecting on those days, I recognize them as a time of profound Doubt. It was a season of learning, not just about motherhood or partnership, but about life's true essence. Those moments allowed me to confront my truths and embrace my whole self, despite societal expectations. This journey through doubt, from questioning my adequacy as a mother to grappling with identity and relationships, led me to a crucial realization: my doubts lay not in my capabilities but in the dissonance between my decisions and my inner truth.
My doubts were in the gray space that existed in my head – the space born when I made decisions for myself that betrayed my intuition and abandoned the trust I had built with myself. I was living in a physiological house where the walls were built by me casting my intuitions aside in order to make the "right" decision by society's standards.
While I still experience doses of doubt in this disruptive existence, I understand its role in the ever-evolving narrative of life. My healing came through reconnecting with my intuition and trust in my decision-making. Building intimacy with how and why I make decisions. This faith assures me that grace awaits on the other side of the challenges.
Motherhood, entrepreneurship, and creative life share a common thread of potential isolation, magnified by our individualistic society. Yet, the antidote lies in authenticity and connection. The chaos of life, with its laughter and tears, is real. Embracing this dynamic, leaning into the messiness, and grounding ourselves in authenticity and vulnerability is where true strength lies.
The chaos never ends, but it's about how we center, pivot, and ground ourselves in it. How we starve the thoughts that aren't serving us and the quality of human we want to become. As Carly and I plan a spring baking session, reminiscent yet distinct from our pandemic days, we're reminded of the power of connection over doubt.
With The Great British Bake Off Series 9 (our favorite - Manon and Ruby we love you forever) in the background, we'll embrace the beautiful chaos of life, laughing together and reaffirming the enduring strength of ourselves and our bond. We'll nourish our minds, bodies, and souls through the simple act of creating something delicious together, savoring the moment, and leaning on each other's support.
In this sacred space of connection, we'll confront our doubts head-on, reminding ourselves that we are enough, that our journeys are valid, and that our struggles are shared. We'll draw strength from our vulnerability, acknowledging that even in our darkest moments, we are not alone.
The chaos may never cease, but with each display of vulnerability, each heartfelt conversation, and each moment of authentic connection, we'll build a fortress against doubt, one brick at a time. In the end, it's not about eliminating doubt altogether, but about cultivating the resilience to face it head-on, armed with the knowledge that we are supported, loved, and capable of greatness.
Connection over doubts – this is the mantra, the superpower. Being real, leaning into the dynamic and intricate lives of motherhood, entrepreneurship, and friendship, and embracing the messy, beautiful chaos that comes with it all. Because in the end, it's not about having it all figured out; it's about having the courage to walk the path together, hand in hand, with open hearts and open minds.
xx
B
PS - Find one of my favorite simple focaccia recipes HERE.
