Routine vs Ritual
I recently stumbled upon an interesting insight about successful relationships: one of the key indicators is how quickly a couple can effectively navigate conflict and return to their equilibrium. It's not about who's right or wrong, but about how readily they can move through discomfort to resolution. This got me thinking - how often do we apply this principle to our relationship with ourselves?
A Month of Chaos
The past month has been a whirlwind for me. Without delving into the nitty-gritty details of work revelations, relationship navigation, parenting, and personal health matters, let's just say it was a potent cocktail that knocked me flat. I've been functioning, yes, but merely functioning. Heart beating, legs moving, showing up to commitments - but not in the way I pride myself on being and giving.
In this chaos, I realized I had compromised my relationship with myself. I stopped moving my body rigorously, which always leaves my mind clogged and insufferable. I abandoned writing, reading, drawing, and those underrated moments of simply sitting in sunspots doing nothing. I slipped away from feeling like me, and consequently, what I gave to the world and to relationships didn't feel authentic either.
The Path Back to Homeostasis
As I reflected on successful relationships, it hit me: I wasn't in homeostasis with myself. How long would it take to gently set the nonsense down and come back to my center?
Surprisingly, once I recognized this need, the journey back didn't take long at all. Within 24 hours, I began setting the table and intentions for the coming days, weeks, and months. The key was embracing a "less is more" mindset. I felt a deep ache in my soul for less - less commitments, more space, more time. Less doing, more being. After all, we're human beings, not human doings.
A Selfish Recovery
In recovery circles, they call this process "having a selfish recovery" - taking what you need to be stable, intentional, aware, and closer to a better version of yourself. I canceled plans, withdrew from commitments that didn't align with what my spirit was able to give, and stopped overloading my schedule. Instead of idealizing more doing, I envisioned rooting down at home with myself. We can't navigate the messy world out there without a sturdy foundation within.
Rituals vs. Routines: Understanding the Difference
As I reevaluated my commitments, I began to distinguish between routines and rituals in my life. Although often used interchangeably, these concepts have unique characteristics and purposes:
Routines
Sequences of actions regularly followed
Primarily functional, designed for efficiency and predictability
Less emotional investment, easily modified
Developed for practical reasons or personal preference
May be performed with minimal conscious thought
Focus on end results or task completion
Rituals
Actions performed in a prescribed order, often with symbolic value
Carry deeper meaning, often culturally or personally significant
Higher emotional investment, more rigid in execution
Have cultural, religious, or deep personal roots
Involve heightened awareness and mindfulness
Emphasize the process and derived meaning
Understanding this distinction allows us to intentionally structure our lives for both efficiency and meaning. Routines help us navigate daily tasks, while rituals provide depth, significance, and opportunities for mindfulness.
Recognizing the power of rituals, I began to lean back into practices that bring me meaning and peace:
Yoga practices and other movement at home.
Making fresh juice and prepared meals at home to nourish my body and my mind.
Backing off the booze.
Reading for fun.
Walking outside without headphones, rain or shine.
Napping.
Writing. Contemplating. Word dumping.
Caring for my plants really well.
Handwritten letters to people who are important to me.
Asking for what I need from people close to me and not wavering when it is being compromised.
Open windows.
Life is inherently chaotic and ever-changing. It will continue to knock us down. The question is: How quickly can we come home to ourselves? How swiftly can we navigate to the other side of conflict? Peace and resilience await us there, as soon as we're ready to arrive.
In the face of life's challenges, focus less on where you want to be and more on how you'll get there. Remember, we've got this. Our relationship with ourselves is the foundation for all other relationships, and nurturing it through meaningful rituals can help us weather any storm.
